JULIE'S RAIN
by GoldAngel2
Summary: A one shot offshoot of the episode "Shockwave"...After giving up the baby girl, Sally Ann, Julie withdraws as she deals with the loss.


_Author's note: Here's a one-shot, dedicated with great admiration to the writer Minarrett…a terrific scribe that has nailed writing for the Mod Squad universe. It's an offshoot of the episode entitled, "Shockwave"… one of my favorites, with a dose of fluff thrown in for good measure :-). The same disclaimer applies… These are not my characters, nor my creation… Sigh. :-)_

**JULIE'S RAIN**

It was late, nearly sunset when Julie Barnes wearily unlocked the door to her apartment, arriving home after a particularly grueling day, her nerves and emotions stretched raw…raw as the late January day. She had gotten home, and as the day drew to a close the temperature had dropped, and the once sunny sky had become completely overcast spitting down a chilly drizzle just as she arrived home. She had left police headquarters nearly 3 hours ago and had made her way back; walking with the slow, wooden numbness borne of the excruciating pain that she was feeling.

After over four years serving as an undercover officer on a youth squad for the LAPD Julie had gotten used to the ups and downs that came with the job. There was many a day like this, when she would come home after finishing a particular case that had played heavy on her heartstrings and felt drained to say the least. But today was different on a whole other level. Handing the baby Sally Ann over to Pete at police headquarters had been like having her heart torn from its chest cavity... And she felt as if she were bleeding internally, fatally.

With a deep penetrating sigh she peeled off the plaid wool jacket of her suit, hung it on the rail then stepped down and made her way over to the sofa. Choosing not to turn any of her lamps on, the fading light of the gray day matched her mood… Dark, and wondering about the path she had chosen to follow in her life…

_Why?_ Julie cried to herself silently._ Why couldn't it have been me to make a home for her? To love her and watch her grow up? I know I'm not married yet, and maybe not even close to being. But I'm not like my mother; I have a steady job and I know I can provide a good home for her! So why couldn't they give me a chance? She would've been everything to me and I would've been everything she needed! _

"_**Two parents… Twice as much love"**_

The tears returned, hot and hard… Julie's rain; like the winter raindrops now pattering against her windows…

The infant girl, Sally Ann Eldrich had been a helpless victim of circumstances; dragged along with her impoverished young parents, Troy Don and Sue Ann. Driving west from Texas her father, Troy, discharged from the Navy had come from a life made up of a string of unfortunate events that drove him into desperate actions. Actions that had led up to a crime spree that included the theft of a car and several attempted small robberies; one Julie had been witness to at a local grocery store where she had been shopping. Troy Eldrich had shot the proprietor, wounding him critically before leaving the store. In the aftermath, when the captain, Pete, and Linc arrived on the scene she was visibly shaken… The vision of the tiny squalling infant was engraved in her mind and tender heart. Having come from an underprivileged background herself Julie could understand how wanting to feed his family had driven the man into becoming a criminal. However, as a police officer herself she could not condone the actions and as a woman, all she could think of was the baby.

Pete and Linc's words; spoken to her in a spirit of compassion and affection, yet condemning and final, echoed in her head now, as they had all the while she had trudged home. Linc saying to her "two parents… Twice as much love" in his taciturn way…and Pete, who tried to be as gentle and tender as he ever was with her, nearly breaking down himself as he said basically the same thing…both of them unintentionally and inadvertently twisted the knife of agony in her. Having no other choice Julie relented, but then walked away her tears flowing. Warm rivulets again coursed down her cheeks as she remembered the last two days.

When the baby was found abandoned after the couple's last crime; the near fatal shooting of a traffic officer, Capt. Greer as usual, took control. Because Julie had been closely involved in the case…ironically, this time as a witness, she and the boys accompanied him to St. Augustine's; the church where Sally Ann's distraught mother had left her. Once there, as Greer and Father Kenton; the priest discussed a possible future home for the baby, she couldn't keep her eyes off of the beautiful child and asked the nun carrying Sally if she could hold her. As enchanted as she was when she first laid eyes on the infant at the grocery store, Julie was hooked, so much so Greer, Pete, and Linc made their mistake, they allowed her to take the baby temporarily as they searched for her parents. Overjoyed, she immediately embraced her new role as surrogate mother for the baby.

Taking the baby to the receiving hospital to have her checked for a cough, Julie was more convinced than ever. She wanted to be Sally's permanent mother, especially when the young intern remarked how much the baby resembled her. Cradling Sally in her arms, she strolled with her in the park, and indulged in a dream, a newly created dream in her heart…the dream of raising the little girl as her own. At home, she had already made basic preparations in her apartment for the baby, sending Pete and Linc out with a list of baby supplies to make sure Sally had everything she needed. Both of her trusted and devoted friends were as enamored of the child as she was, at least that's what she had thought as they made endearingly bumbling attempts at changing her. Or maybe, she didn't want to see that they both in their gentle, loving way were doing their best to avoid hurting her by not reminding her that her time with Sally was to be short.

Julie returned to the church to inquire about the adoption that the priest had set up with a young couple in his parish; the O'Roarke's. As she listened to the priest's hopeful words regarding the young couple's desire to adopt Sally Ann, Julie's own heart, sank. What followed was a rapid fire of events… Precipitated by the return of Sally's mother to retrieve her daughter followed by her irate and furious husband brandishing a gun. The arrival of Greer, Pete, and Linc as usual to save the day ended the ordeal with them all taking the baby back to headquarters. What happened then; the two boys trying to break the news to her that her time with Sally was over was a heartbreaking litany that played over and over again… Even now as she sat in her apartment, their words haunted her…

Meanwhile, as the twilight advanced and the rain stiffened, a familiar gold 1971 Dodge Challenger convertible; top raised and windows closed against the elements rumbled up and parked in front of her apartment. Killing the lights and the engine, Linc turned to Pete…

"You think it's a good idea coming here?" He looked out at the rain slapping at the windshield unabated by the now quiet windshield wipers. "She probably wants her space."

His lips drawn in a dark scowl Pete grunted, "Dunno… But I do know something, I hate that we had to hurt her. Dammit!" He slammed his fist on the dashboard.

As usual, Linc's expression was inscrutable. "Yeah…but what choice did we have? Julie knew the score. We all were there at the church when the plans were laid out." He sighed, "The signs were there yesterday when we picked her up and all she could talk about was that baby."

"Yeah… And because none of us; you, me, or the captain can ever say no to Julie we share the blame for the pain that she's feeling." Pete heaved a sigh as well as he shook his head. "And I won't let her suffer alone."

Linc nodded, somewhat reluctantly. "Let's go then."

Both young men exited the vehicle and made their way through the rain up the stairs to the apartment. Halfway up the staircase Pete stopped, noticing that the lights in her apartment were out. An uneasy feeling gnawed at his gut as he stared intently, trying to see inside of the windows.

Linc, who was doing the same thing and feeling the same way offered a suggestion. "Looks like she's not home yet. She left headquarters without us, and we have the car."

Pete scowled. "Let's make damn sure she's not in there. If she ain't home then we'll go looking for her… She shouldn't be wandering around at this time, in this weather, no matter how low she's feeling. Agreed? "

"Solid."

Staunchly determined the two got to the front door….

Inside, Julie had not moved from her sofa… Night had fallen, and the rain had become persistent, but she had not noticed nor had she cared. Numbly paralyzed by her anguish and the ache of her loss she sat stock still; like a porcelain doll. She didn't even move when she first heard the soft, insistent knock on her door.

"Julie? Are you there?"

She was unresponsive, shrouded in the shadows of her pain.

"Julie?" Pete called out and knocked again. "Honey, it's us. Can we come in?"

Linc then tried. "Julie, can we please come in?"

Hearing the voices of the two who most cared for her in this world reached through to Julie, pulling her momentarily out of the miasma. Slowly, she rose and went to open the door.

Blocking the way in at the threshold of the portal, she said tiredly, "Look, guys, I'm –," but she didn't have a chance to finish the statement because both men stepped around her to enter the apartment. She sighed deeply, and gave up realizing that neither were going to take no for an answer.

"Kind of dark in here, isn't it?" Pete went over to the Tiffany floor lamp and turned it on. He then checked the thermostat and turned it up. "Chilly too… It's the middle of winter, honey, weren't you feeling the cold?"

She shook her head wordlessly as she stepped down into the living room. Linc was standing by the stairs to her bedroom loft with his stoic face, studying her.

"You don't look good, Julie. Have you eaten anything?" he asked.

"I'm not hungry," she replied, automatically like a robot.

Pete came over to where Linc was standing. He leaned in and examined her closely, gently touching her shoulder. "Your clothes are kind of damp. Don't you think it's a good idea to change into something warm and dry?"

He glanced around and saw what looked like a soft, warm blanket hanging on the railing of her bedroom loft. Picking it up, he came over and draped it across her shoulders.

"Here, sweetheart… At least this will keep you warm until you're ready to get changed." He lightly took hold of and massaged her shoulders; kneading with his fingers, creating friction to help warm her up.

"Mmmm," Julie murmured absently, then gazed down at the blanket wrapped around her. Idly fingering the soft pink and baby blue fringe on its edge, she mused, "It's beautiful… This blanket you got for Sally Ann." Disentangling herself from Pete's grasp, Julie went over to the tiny bassinet where the rest of the items that the boys had brought to her earlier laid.

"All of these things… Especially this." She held up the little red and white dotted dress…the one that Linc had awkwardly modeled when he and Pete were at the store buying the baby's things._ Was that just earlier today? _Julie wondered silently_ It seems like years ago…_

Pete cursed inwardly realizing what he had done. He shot a glance at Linc and slowly went up to her. "I did what you asked me to do…I brought her over to the receiving hospital and told them that her cough was all gone." He reached over and gently tucked a stray strand of hair away from her eyes. "Thanks to you she's gonna be all right."

Linc joined them, flanking Julie's other side. "She'll be in a good home, Julie…with two parents who are going to love her and take good care of her."

Giving an imperceptible nod as she held onto the edge of the bassinet, Julie reached for a pink and white rattle; one of the little toys that the boys had also brought. Once again, huge tears started rolling down her cheeks, prompting Pete to shoot a significant look towards Linc…

But he had seen the sign and was already on it. Gently pulling the bassinet away from her fingers, he began gathering up all of the supplies they had brought to her this afternoon. Linc began packing the clothes, the diapers, the bottle warmer and bottle; all the things that she had needed and requested to take care of the baby that she had wanted so badly to be hers…

"I'll take these over to the church and give them to the Father," he stated softly. "I'm sure the O'Rourke's will appreciate them." He picked up the now loaded bassinet and headed towards the door while Pete wrapped his arm around Julie's shoulders…

"Come on, Julie… Come on over and try to relax."

Guiding her back to the sofa, he glanced over at Linc who nodded, then let himself out. Pete escorted her over and sat down beside her, pulling her into his embrace. She followed obediently, allowing him to lock her in the strength of his arms…wordlessly, as if in a trance…

Cradling Julie with infinite care, Pete could feel the slight shudder of her slender shoulders. A clear indication that she was holding back her feelings and sobbing silently, he knew that she was trying desperately to keep from falling apart in front of him. An ironic thought came to him; how over the four years that the three of them have been together and close as any family could be, they still kept the deepest parts of themselves away from each other. It was unexplainable and now, in light of recent events, it was apparent that in certain ways they were still learning how to trust one another. Even though trust, true trust had been established a long time ago there were still certain areas that they kept to themselves. Yet, there also were instances like this where walls had to be broken down...carefully, yet with irresistible force. His heart constricted with the burden and he used it to begin to break through Julie's wall… to bring forth her rain…

"It's okay, Julie… Just let it out. Don't keep it all inside of you."

She shook her head…biting her lip as if to keep the deluge at bay.

Outside, the rain had gotten heavier, beating against the window pane; as if the heavens sent down additional incentive for her. Julie's body trembled with increased intensity as it seemed she was losing the fight.

Sensing the breaking point, Pete squeezed her shoulder and murmured, "Come on, angel… Just let go."

Still shaking her head, Julie pulled out of his grasp and got up. Clutching her shoulders, she went over to the window and stood there, her back to him. "You don't have to stay here and babysit me, Pete. I'll get through this."

_She's doing it… What we all do; keep each other at arms length when we're in pain. But, especially now, since it's our fault she's hurting it's got to stop _Cursing silently in frustration as the guilt tore at him, Pete got up and went over to her. "I'm not here to babysit you… You're in pain, and I want to be here for you. Just like you were there for me…remember when Rusty died?"

Julie nodded and seeing her response as evidence she had not completely closed herself away from him, Pete went on…

"And remember when I was sick? I had the flu, and you insisted on taking care of me." He grinned and reached over to run the back of his hand across her cheek. "You were my Florence Nightingale with her magic spoon, ladling that foul sludge down my throat and because of your persistence, even with my protests I got well. And it's a good thing that you made sure I did, honey, because that whole deal with Jesse Cooke came down on me from nowhere." He leaned closer as he continued, "You were at my pad and you told me that you hoped he'd never come back because he was mistaken about who had beaten him up and left him for dead in an alley four years ago. He thought it was me and wanted to kill me."

"I was terrified that he would kill you," Julie whispered, her voice catching as her eyes…glistening with the yet to be shed tears, met his.

His own emotions brimming and threatening to spill over, Pete nodded in agreement. Cupping her face softly in his hands he said, "That's right… and it's feelings exactly like that which have me here now. The situations are different Julie… but the feelings are the same. They're deep and true, just like yours. "

That was it…the final blow to the dam holding back her emotions. Julie reached up and wrapped her arms around Pete's neck and finally let go; allowing the anguish to be purged, punctuated by heavy, wrenching sobs. Wrapping his arms around her, Pete took her back over to the sofa where he encircled her in the security of his comfort and protection. He held her tightly and she snuggled in close to him as she cried out her sorrow. As she did, he rhythmically stroked his hand through her hair; while caressing her arm; softly fondling her. At the window, a peal of thunder rumbled as the rain was sheeting in streams, pouring down the window in tiny tributaries that became rivers. For several minutes, Julie cried as hard as the heavens outside unburdening themselves. Then, the sound of the rain decreased…

Oddly synchronizing with the subsiding rainstorm, Julie's own tears were lessening. As the last stray rivulets made their journey down her cheek she gazed up at Pete as he looked back. His own expression displayed not only shared grieving but something else…the undeniable evidence of intensely personal feelings; the feelings shared between a man and a woman, burning for her in his sky blue eyes. Driven by the power of those feelings, he took hold of her chin and drew her lips to his for what began as a butterfly kiss that quickly morphed into a deep one. His hand slid to her jaw and he gently held her head closer, as she opened her mouth to accept him. Her own hand reached up his chest to his shoulder for her fingers to tangle themselves in his burnished, unruly curls as she felt swept away in his tender storm.

Gradually, as the raindrops outside were ebbing, so was the onrush of spontaneous, unleashed passion between Pete and Julie. With dazed eyes still focused on each other, they slowly drew back…amazement, coupled with enlightenment broadcast across their faces as they continued to gaze at each other. Then Pete smiled; his warm, sweet smile…

"I've been waiting to do that for a long, long time, angel." he admitted.

Julie simply returned his smile, her eyes sparkling.

At that very moment, the door opened and Linc entered, carrying a paper bag. He set it down and went into the kitchen. As he rooted around in the kitchen cabinets for something, Julie glanced over at Pete with a quizzical expression. His response was to shrug his shoulders and flash a pseudo-innocent grin. Her suspicions aroused, Julie reached for the bag and pulled out a large covered paper cup. Removing the cover, she peeked inside and when she saw its contents recognition lit her pretty features as she turned to Pete and smiled again.

"Cappuccino."

Linc returned, carrying one of the cup and saucers from three mismatched sets of Wedgewood china she had picked up once in an antique shop. Some nights, when she wanted to treat the boys with a special style of class and elegance, in the spirit of the event they would all dress up and she would serve dinner on the china…complete with all the accoutrements; linen napkins, polished silver, and fine crystal. On those nights they all would embrace the playacting, unlike when the job required it as part of their assumed covers. A patina of distinction would fall as Pete dropped back into his privileged roots and comported as any other crown prince of high society…and Linc, would rise to the occasion with an affected English accent that could rival any member of the House of Lords. This would be followed by the three of them laughing hysterically at their silliness. Now, she watched as he set down the cup and saucer, then picked up the paper cup and emptied its contents into the cup.

In his best imitation of an aristocratic butler Linc presented the beverage to her with a flourish. "For you, Milady."

Julie raised a slim brow as she glanced from Linc back to Pete…who responded with a slight shrug and noncommittal grin…

"Remember what the Maharishi said, honey," he pointed out, placing an affectionate hand on her shoulder.

With a smile, Julie nodded and took a sip…her tears now dried. Linc also nodded and grinned in satisfaction, then glanced at the window…looking outside as the drops of rain on the glass puddled.

"Looks like the rain has finally ended," he remarked.

Gazing at the dried tracks of Julie's tears on her cheeks, Pete concurred with a smile…

"Yeah… Looks like it did."

**END**

_Final note of interest…the statement about the Maharishi in reference to cappuccino is mentioned in "Search and Destroy" when Julie brought one to Pete when he was at the apartment._


End file.
